Time

Well, sometimes u never know what can hit you and when, I’ll tell u what happened today evening:

I was standing on the terrace of my friend's house, around 7:30 in the evening. This is when I saw that doodhwala, coming from the far end of the street, honking the bhonpu he had on his cycle.
Then it all started, an instant feeling of nostalgia, nostalgia about what? Cudn’t decipher it then...but it was soon getting clear, I was thinking about my childhood, about the time I spent at my grandparents house, about the time when my only concern of the day was, that somehow I score more than 10 runs in the evening match (gali cricket).
"Times were different then”, I thought, but then, my priorities were different too, and so was the perspective. Now the things are different, I am a grown up, have cleared the PG entrance this year, will do some "doctory, shocktry" as they say, time to get on my feet, work, earn, enjoy the independence...but then, I am still sad!

"Ah! The same old psycho stuff," I say to myself, "what do I get out of all this," my mind has started fighting with itself, one faculty against the other, partners against partners. A long fight ensues, but surprisingly I am getting results, something in my mind says that I am scared...of what? I don't know, maye all the responsibilities I see coming my way, or, probably I am scared of the changes, that time has in store for me, I really don't know.

"But it's true," says my mind, the symptoms are already there, I am already missing those buddies I had when I was an UG, they haven't stopped talking, I still meet them (not that frequently though), then why am I missing them...I don't know!

Now I am scolding time, why did it have to move that quickly, why do I have to loose the moments I cherish, who has the right to take them away from me? "But that won't help," my mind tells me.... I know you miss those times when as a kid, you never thought twice, before doing anything, or those days when you came back from school, back home in the sweltering heat, back home to mom's cooking, to her love, to her attention...and I know that you no longer think of those things as important, not because they have lost their meaning, but because, your perspective has changed. What I tell you is that, that’s what this life is about...you never really miss those things until you can't reach them again.

And who does this, time. Yes, time changes things for you, so that when you loose the things you never really thought about...you couldn’t help it, they are gone!

"Yeah I know, I can't help it,” I say to myself, probably to lessen the blow...but it is not helping...I am feeling all the more sad, I am missing every moment that has whizzed past me, doesn’t matter good or bad, I am missing it!

I am missing even those few days that I still have with my friend, samridhi, i love her, but she won't get a seat where I will...parted for 3 long years.

"Maybe it's for something good, maybe, we’ll both mature more, and maybe this separation is going to make us love each other even more," I tell myself, trying to soothe the bleeding heart.

At the same instant, i am still cursing time, because now I know, 15th June the session starts...I don't have much time to tell her that she's all I need in life, that probably I wasn't that sure about our relationship when we first met, that probably I may never be able to express how much I love her.

"I beg you to go slow," I ask time, please slow down, give me some time to adjust. Afterall, we’ve been together for more than 5 years...it's hurting me; let me breathe, for god sake!!!!!!

But I know time won't listen, it can't afford too, it has a purpose, a service to perform, it won't stop for some bloody aditya soral...yeah that's right BLOODY aditya soral, 'cause he's bleeding...

Now I know what time is, it’s a vector, it has a specific direction, and that direction is never going to come your way. It’s going to run off, and, by the time you realize that the days and weeks you lost cribbing were precious...you won't be able to help it!